That just fiddles my stick.

I have issues. Some of them are bordering on full-fledged OCD, I'm certain. Others are just plain annoying or weird. Ask my mother. She'll tell you. Ask my friends. They'll complain about it. However, most of these issues I am about to discuss have never seen the light of day prior to this post. Sketchy.


So, I apologize if your glorious image of me in all my godly goodness is very dear to you (as it should be). Because I'm probably about to shatter it. A lot. And smear some poop on it. 

Say bye bye now.

So, without further ado, I give you: 

MY ISSUES: VOLUME ONE.

1.

I hate it when I see an unattended, open drawer. HATE. I drives me insane. It feels like there are tiny squid and octopi sucking on my brain with their little suckers, and they won't stop poking and prodding my mind with their nasty tentacles until SOMEONE CLOSES THAT DRAWER. Usually I take it upon myself to complete this task.

It happens.

2.

I love shiny objects. Be it a faulty necklace that slipped off some neck or a wrapper from a granola bar, I must stop to stare at it for a moment. If it's the former, I take it. Finders keepers. The wrappers I stare at for longer, hoping it will mystically turn into something shiny but of more value. I stop and stare at it even though I am most definitely blocking up staircase traffic between classes.

How could I refuse THAT beauty?

3.

I really like milk. No one understands this but my father. I don't know why. Milk is like juice for your soul. 

4.

I have developed a deep, unconditional hatred for fairies. Maybe my upbringing is party to blame, as my mother loved to fill it with fairy dust and little winged girls clutching berries and flowers.

And there were mermaids. Lots of mermaids. Also, the redhead is a total ho-bag.

5.

Somehow, my hair manages to fall out and cover just about everything I own. I suppose this isn't really an issue, since I'm not really to blame. BUT IT'S GROSS.

6.

Everything has to be perfectly in line in my outfit or I nearly have a breakdown. Shirts not perfectly layered over each other? Jeans loosely hanging over ass and hips because no size fits just right? Hair not perfectly curled around neck and face? SWEET MOTHER OF GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOO *pounds fists against desk, throws guitar out window*

7.

I am obsessed with locking doors. As soon as I enter the house after school, lock. Lock all other doors. After I let my mom in, lock. After I put the dog outside on his runner to pee, lock. When my mom leaves for a walk down the street, lock. When she runs outside to get something from the car, lock. YOU AIN'T GETTIN' IN THIS HOUSE, YOU SERIAl KILLIN' BITCHES!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

8.

I hate tartar sauce. With a burning passion. If it was alive, I'd kill it all. For that matter, it very well may be sentient and out to destroy us all with its mysterious green and red specks in a suspicious white mess. You think I'm going to soil my seafood with THAT? What a useless, disgusting, putrescent and worthless condiment.

Hats off to you, sir.

9.

For all my claiming to not be superstitious, I am deathly afraid of the number thirteen. It scares the living piss out of me. 


10.
I walk really fast. I can't help it. I think it's overcompensation for the fact that my stride is incredibly short. My friends always get mad at me. They're like, "Shaannniii why are you walking so faaaaast???? Sloowwwwww down so I can catch my fat assssssss up to yoooouuuuu."


Not really though. My friends don't actually talk like that.