I've been feeling this creeping guilt deep in my impressive ab-encrusted gut because I didn't keep true to my personal blogging promise to post at least once a week. How can I ever hope to built a two hundred-foot solid gold statue of myself riding a moose in the middle of Canada if I can't even write a stupid blog post at least once a week??
What a disgrace.
So anyway, my friend Annie told me some wonderful anti-jokes the other day, and I thought I'd share some of my favorites with you, since of course it is Fish Day in France.
***
Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.
...
Q: Why did the black man buy 3 boxes of condoms?
A: Because he practices safe sex and they were on sale.
...
Horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "Hey, buddy, why the long face?"
Horse says, "My wife is dying of terminal cancer."
...
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
The police, your entire family died in a car accident.
...
Q: What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?
A: We are both lawyers.
...
Q: How do you get a clown off of a swing?
A: You hit him with an ax.
***
I don't want to overwhelm you with too many tasteless attempts at humor in one post. There's about six too many here.
It was in the very least amusing to see the range of reactions these jokes get. My friends seem to appreciate them, seeing as we start to do that awkward silent laughing if one of these bad boys is delivered correctly in the right situation.
My mom, on the other hand, just sort of doesn't say anything after I tell one...
But anyway. I digress. Go home. Yoke's on you.
Oh, how I wish I could figure out how to successfully blog. As my Web Design teacher might say, "[Blogging] is a sea one could swim in forever without reaching the shore." Sniffle. What a poet.
Of course, these words of wisdom are coming from the creepy, questionable man who teaches very small classes in a sinister, dark classroom located in a suspiciously isolated corner of my high school just far enough away down the hall so that no one will hear your screams.
AHAHA JUST JOKING. AHAHAAHAHA.
But not really. If I ever find myself in that corner of the school alone, I walk a little faster.
So anyway. The pointlessness of posting things on this blog is increasing with exponential dejected sadness. After a brief hiatus due to watching old music videos and getting fat eating cookies alone my raging social life, I came back to this page thinking, Ooh, ooh, it's been a few weeks, my blog must be famous by now!
Not quite. My blog sidebar bitchslapped me with a "There are no followers yet. Be the first!"
My confidence crumbled. I had started out so strong, so sure. I was certain I was going to become a superstar of blog. No followers? There must be some mistake! No one following me? And yet there it was. The truth was looming over me and blocking out my sun of hope and dreams. Where was I now? In my soul was burning a mere iota of my former poise and glory. No followers. I am finished.
So it had come to this. It embarrassed me to no end that I was failing at blog-writing. ME? THE ACCLAIMED STAR BOOK REPORT WRITER OF LEVERETT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, SIX-TIME WINNER OF THE TEACHER'S PET AWARD, DUKE OF ALL THAT IS REMOTELY LITERARY?
No. It couldn't be.
But it was.
And it is.
How can I come to terms with this? As of today, I am still the single solitary reader of this blog. My mom won't even read it. My friends won't even read it. What a failure I am.
...At least those damn teachers seem to like me.
