Family Tree

I thought that maybe I should take the time to introduce you to some of the people that make my life go 'round.

I know, I know. I'm pretty darn classy. I took a few liberties with this drawing (i.e., the red hair, the waist size).

That smile... That gorgeous hair... It could only be one person in the world... I mean, just look at those loving eyes!

Now you know where I get my good looks. And my fat carpenter fingers. Notice the hipsterly hip, backwards hat. He also occasionally lapses into only half-intentional gangster lingo. At times like that, I don't know whether to laugh or cry and then shoot him with a shotgun.

Armed with a Whopper in one hand and an alcoholic beverage in the other, there's no stopping this kid.

I met her when I was six, after my dad almost hit her in his truck while she was rollerskating down the road. My bestie bestest friend 'til I'm old and gray. Giving workers trouble in the nursing homes, we will be.

Another one of my closest girlfriends. She has a much better fashion sense than me.  She's basically a stick figure with a stomach, like in the picture above but a lot more attractive.

One of my obligatory Asian friends, so no one can call me racist. He constantly acts like he's on crack. Or how I imagine one would act on crack. I wouldn't know. I'm a good egg.

Obligatory Asian friend #2. She's obsessed with pants. And pineapples. And wombats. But that's understandable.

He claims to be of Asian heritage. But I think he might be faking it to earn some right to be a ninja.

So easily ruffled and shocked. Such a darling person. Even when she lands me a detention for sneaking into the library on my hallpass, she's still adorable.

The coolest dog on the block. He puts up with my baddancing, even partakes, and thinks cows are really scary, even though he looks like one. And I don't think he ever pooped on our nice carpet! Just barf. Lots and lots of beautiful barf. 

Our resident fat queen cat. Okay, so she's not that fat. But she looks and acts like a 500 pound raccoon. She eats and sleeps all day. She sits on us and makes us carry her around like a baby. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Therefore, she is fat.

My bestest friend and/or little brother. He was sitting behind me on the couch, looking over my shoulder as I drew this.


Mousse: Stop making me look like a dumbass.


Me: Well stop acting like a dumbass.


Mousse: How exactly am I acting like a dumbass?


Me: BY NOT MAKING ME A SANDWICH. GET IN THE KITCHEN BITCH.